A New Beginning

My original plan was to start this from our first day of p90x but things turned out a little differently and now we are at day 4 with yoga. I never imagined yoga could possibly be so difficult but if that's what it takes we have to do it. I am so focused on losing this weight its incredible I have never had so much desire, focus, and want of something. I never want to be this heavy again. I remember when I graduated high school in '05 my scale never saw 130lbs and now five years later it has seen all the way up to 199 (after we got back from New Orleans) when I stepped on the scale and saw that I almost burst into tears its hard knowing what I used to be and what I have let myself get to. I remember back in my senior year when I was eating lunch with Manuel and he was surprised how much I could eat without gaining anything and all I did was laugh and tell him "I will never be one of those girls who complains about their weight" now five years later I'm sure I mention it to Steve at least once a day... When we got engaged I thought that was my time to turn my life around I bought my dress it fit fine but was size 12 I couldn't believe it but I figured I have around 10months to lose some weight then I can have it brought in to fit. So I joined pure fitness with every intention to lose weight I first I would skip it or bail out of meeting with people to go but then I started going on my own after work even if I wasn't meeting anyone and I got into a really awesome groove. I was working out so hard yet my weight didn't budge which was really discouraging. So I quit. Then in January I took all my bridesmaids to get their dresses for the wedding and they were asking when I was going to get my alterations done and I hadn't even thought of it so I told them after lunch I would try it on and see what I would need to have done. We all got to my house and I put on my dress and IT WOULDN'T ZIP UP. I immediately freaked out because the wedding was only two months away and I was clueless to what they could do so I called asking if I could exchange it and they said no but that it possibly may be able to be let out so I made an appointment to have them look at it they told me it could be let out and I had a certain amount of time before they needed to work on it. I asked if I were to work out how many inches I would have to lose for it to fit and they told me inches around my chest would be perfect. I walked out of there thinking I was fine I would hit the gym for four weeks and lose those 3inches in no time. Ironically that same day my personal trainer called from the gym and asked when I would be in again for my free monthly training session and I set something up the next day. I felt like God understood how frustrated I was and he had them call me to light the fire under me. I busted my but for those four weeks ate healthy and everything and felt super confident that I wouldn't need the alterations and that I had completed my goal. I went to my alterations appointment and THE DRESS STILL WOUDN'T ZIP UP. I was devasated I felt that I had given it my all and that nothing happened was I going to be fat for the rest of my life? Around that time my average weight was about 188-190 never more then that so I had the dress fixed and everthing was fine when it came to the wedding then we had the honeymoon. A honeymoon is supposed to be a sex filled romantic time and we only had done it a few times. I felt like a fat blob and the complete opposite of sexy while at the same time Steve had come up with a terrible head cold/sinus infection. Needless to say we still had a blast but wasn't all we had hoped for. When getting back to land and stepping on the scale it went up about 5lbs so I was back to square one again. I finally just gave up I didn't want to think about weight anymore even though I was so depressed and unhappy with myself. I would weigh myself daily and it would fluctuate up and down but nothing significant. Then in May it was time for another trip this time heading to New Orleans. All we did while we were there was eat and drink booze not a good combo for someone trying to lose weight. When we got back I stepped on the scale and saw it had hit 199 even when I would weigh myself without any clothes I couldn't believe it. That is the moment I decided that I needed to turn myself around with no looking back and go from fat to fit. I want to be able to look good in bikini, I want to be able to wear shorts without cellulite all over the place, I want to be able to wear a tank top without having extreme paranoia that I have the biggest arms around and that everyone is looking at me. I don't want to have to buy semi baggy shirts to hide my roll and i don't want to be embarrassed to see old high school friends because all i can think about is what is running through their minds when they see me. So that's when we decided to make a change and go with C25K and P90X. We found P90X on ebay for about $60 less then what you could find it on the tv for and ordered it. When we got it and read through it it seemed pretty intimidating. But we decided to go along with it but give it a few weeks while we worked on our C25K. I found C25k on the nest message boards and it seemed fool proof all you have to do is spare 3hours a week in non consecutive days and alternate running and walking how hard could it be. Well to my surprise it was hard when we first started even though it had us doing more running then walking. But we have gotten the hang of it and now we are at the point of where we are running at 5min intervals without stopping! For a runner that's probably nothing but to a person who according to the BMI calculator is obese it is quite an accomplishment. So we started P90x on May 31st I am doing lean while hubby does the classic one. We do it at the same time but if our order is requiring a different room I get the bedroom while he does the living room. Monday for me was core synergistics which all I can say was intense I couldn't believe it I honestly could only do half the moves because either my body wouldn't move the way theirs did or I has completely exhausted but I still felt good about it. Then onto Tuesday was Cardiox I really liked that one I was sweating like no other but felt like I was accomplishing something and kept up pretty well I just can't believe all the food the meal plan requires I feel like all we do is eat eat and eat! We also did our first day of week4 day 1 for c25k. Trying to train for a 5k along with p90x is difficult but I really want to run our first 5k on my bday I never thought I could do it but running five mins was such an amazing feeling let alone doing it twice. I read in a magazine that if a woman repeated to herself I am strong and beautiful before a race she would run complete her run in better time then not saying it. So when the running gets harder I just tell myself "your strong and beautiful and your going to look so good once all of this is done." It really helps to push myself and not give up. Anyway Wednesday was the first day hubby and I worked out together it was shoulders and arms along with ab ripper x. The arms and shoulders was not too difficult but the ab ripper I think I nearly died I haven't had that much core work in my life but I feel it will really pay off! If I can get to the end of p90x and do all the moves that are in that 15mins I will really feel like I accomplished something! Having hubby do the exercise with me is really holding me accountable and makes me excited to do it and not dread it like other exercises also having him do the meal plan makes it that much easier all we have is healthy food in the house and with him eating the good stuff i don't have any temptations. Today is Thursday and hubs closes at work while I have the day off so and its also a p90x/c25k day so we figure get up and do one or the other before he has to go to work and then do the other in the evening. Like I said before today is the yoga today and it has been by far the hardest let alone the longest one. I can only take so many downward/upward dogs and runners pose. We could only do about half because of how intense it was and will do the rest tonight our form was lacking along with our desire to do it. I'm glad it's only one day a week. Last night I stepped on the scale to see what was going on even though it had only been three days and I figured I would be heavier since we have been eating so much food but to my surprise I have lost 2.5lbs!!!! I have always heard you have to eat more to lose if your active because if not your body goes into starvation mode and i guess its true I was so happy when I saw that and to have hubby tell me good job or my stomach looks flat is so awesome and makes me feel proud. He probably has no idea the affect it has on me but even just thinking about it makes me smile <3 So 4days down 86 to go to hopefully a whole new me!!